Finally home again

Can't remember off hand what I wrote last while but I've been on the road.. I've been constantly shuffling between one city and the next going to testing for wOrkers c omp and dr's appts beyond.. I've been basically home one day a week for the past month and home one night a week as well... tho I think they're finally finished testing (THANK GOD) so I won't be pulled in as many directions anymore. The testing was hard and I can't believe how much pain I ended up in trying to push it for comp but at least they may have some of their answers.

I figured make the most of this probable last visit to that big ol' city north of us and got Shane his gift for his big 40'th birthday coming up very shortly. I also got some unique ornaments for our tree this year from a huge display they had there. (they must of had like 30 different decorated areas with all different themes and decorations for sale) Shane thought it was neat til he saw this area all decorated in pink and lime green! (BLAH!) it was so tacky and eye sore. But I got some nice stuff there that I know we couldn't find here.

Speaking of which.. wow I'm gone a week and now there are a bunch of radio stations all gone Christmas and we saw some pretty impressive displays where we were only there was no snow to set it off... which was too bad but Shane's a small town boy so it was fun watching his reactions. (I lived in this big city for 12 years so I've seen a few of their displays)

The nice part of the testing being over I can finally relax and start cleaning this place up and Shane's going to drag out our tree soon so we can start setting things up and decorate. I like setting this place up tho I always enjoyed it more while the snow came down outside.. go figure eh?

And we're back on trying to conceive # 1

Well as you can tell from the title things are starting back up again. It all started with a trip to the dr's. I kept getting cramps and stabbing pains on the right side of my pelvis.. waves of PAIN. Anyways so they did an u/s and I got sent to the obgyn's and told I have another large cyst on my right ovary. (I have PCOS and am very prone to getting these cysts every couple of years) And am waiting to get into a specialist to get it lazored off again. Meanwhile I was given a warning that since I'm almost 33 and my spouse is almost 40 that we should really get going on ttcing if we're going to. (I guess you can only get so many lazor surgeries and then they start looking at ovary removal. Yikes especially once you start getting into a certain age group)

So Shane and I went home to have a big talk and decide if we're going to try or if we're thr0wing in the towel on having children and after much debating and pro-con'ing we decided that while it's definitely not the ideal time, we're going to push forward as much as possible to having our first child.

So on that front... getting healthy, loosing weight and getting off some of the harsher meds for the head pain is on the forefront of what we're going to be doing. Shane has to push harder at trying to find work and hopefully a better job with benefits. (which I've been trying to help him with for awhile now.. just wish the economy would pick up finally) We really won't be fully "trying" until after this current cyst is taken care of anyways so we've borrowed some time to get a few things in better order (I'm doubting everything will be perfect.. cause really it never is)

And while I'm excited at the thought of finally getting pregnant and having a baby... I think I'm going into this more than a little jaded knowing what's ahead. (endless bfn tests, constantly trying to get my body on a semi-normal schedule (you know..O'ing when I should be, Flo'ing when I should be..something my body has really yet to truelly accomplish) the constant blood work and u/s, etc. But I'm still trying to be positive about getting a positive lol

Ramblings

What a long week! My phone hasn't stopped ringing.. we've been busy with trying to get stuff done here and there.. and dr's appt's (even more of those next week) and it's been mayhem and chaos. A friend of mine has been on the phone every morning this week due to big time problems with her marriage. I sympathize especially cause her husband has been really cruel to her. But then she keeps trying to justify his actions and/or trying to turn to religion to resolve the issue. Now while I can understand faith and understand many people pray for guidance, support, etc. Reality is He can only give us the tools.. we have to learn that it's not always easy to use them. And frankly after what I heard he did (cheating and writing love letters to his gf online no less, saying cruel things and telling their small son that Dad doesn't love Mommy anymore) I told her to take the bible and give him a good wallop across the head with it, then kick his sorry butt out. And every single day (no word of a lie) she would call again using excuses and theology to excuse the behaviour. It was draining and I would feel so frustrated trying to be supportive but at the same time trying to point out there was NO justification for his retarded behaviour.

On top of this my future mil kept calling and just showing up on our door this week. ARGH! SOO aggravating!! (I wouldn't mind so much except she's driving me batty with her attitude and criticism lately) She makes snide comments and then told me I shouldn't hang photos on the wall of family or us cause it wasn't interior design friendly (WHATEVER) as if I give a fig for design when I like the look?? Then she called me yesterday and gave me hard time cause I had 2 photos of her on f @ce book and she's like take them off I look old (frankly I thought they were the most flattering photos of her cause usually she's frowning or looking pissed off) but no she gives me an hour long lecture on how she looks too old (she's 60.. suck it up lady.. you're not young anymore) and I ended up getting so mad I finally just said fine (and then proceeded to remove any family photos from that side off.. I've had enough!!) I tell you I would have literally told her off but that I really didn't think it was worth the battle.. safe bet unless Shane or I am in the photo (or we have kids and they're in one with one of them) I'm not taking anymore pics of them. (My future sil was also had a huge hissyfit one day about a few Christmas photos taken cause she thought she was too fat (give me a break.. does none of these women have self-esteem?) I threw in the towel.

Well speaking of self-esteem and whatnot... I noticed I've been really ducking the scale in the past 3-4 months.. probably because in the past 4 months work accident insurance has been sending for testing alot and my schedules been so insanely off (and still is) that I haven't gone near the gym or tried to watch what I'm eating.. and I KNOW it's gonna be an ugly reality break when I step on it. The treatments for head pain have been getting more aggresive (aka PAINFUL) and it's getting longer and longer to recover from the pain and stiffness. I had an epi into my neck 4 weeks ago (at the base of the skull) and omg insane pain and ever since I've had pinching and pain and it's discoloured on one side..and going to the gym would just have me in more pain. (gets frustrating) but my eatting's been also insane and crappy. But I've noticed my back starting to ache and my knee's starting to ache and clothes fitting tighter and lately I've kinda noticed my face is looking well.. fatter) blah! I'm trying to psyche myself up to change things and find balance. I have no clue how to begin. I just know it can't keep going like this. But I know health wise I'm going to have to find a way to start doing this soon.

Well this has been more ranting than rambling but I guess it helps writing it out. : )

Fall clean out

I know most people do their major cleanouts in the spring.. and like all things in my life I do it differently. I end up to doing it in the fall... and this past week has been insane with changes. We had a storage unit FULL of junk.. old appliances and some parts of a weight set from Shane.. old hockey gear and old lead bomb truck toys from when Shane and his brother were kids (those went in the trash the minute I laid eyes on em) not to mention a bizzare amount of old christmas lights in a HUGE tote... why you ask? well my boyfriend is a packrat. His parents moved like 5 years ago and we ended up with a pile of stuff from their garage, shed etc.. Cause they asked Shane if he wanted them and of course he said yes. (I've since had a big talk with his mother saying all future items must be crossed by me first or they'll be sitting curbside next day) But I was tired of holding on to and paying for a storage spot of stuff we never used and are in some cases of no use anymore. So off to the scrap metal place with the 25 year old appliances, the weight set is in pieces and I've told Shane to get the weights off the stairs before some breaks their neck, Shane finally got rid of his big old toy box (I've been on him for years to goodwill it) and the christmas lights are in a garbage bag.. either their trash or his brother grabs em.. either way I want them out of here by end of the week..
I'll be so glad when this place is finally straightened up and junk free.. it stresses me out when things get so disorganized or messy. (It's also partially the head/ minor brain injury I sustained 21/2 years ago as well.. I don't function well without organization)

All this and Shane has the flu lol figures. Tho I find this is a really long one for him... he rarely ever gets sick and is usually better within days. He's got a job interview Thursday (cross our fingers and toes!!) so here's to hoping he feels better by then.

Well the dryer just went off and I should check on my slow cooker recipe too.. starting smell yummy in there.. chicken and mushroom cattitore (I know I spelt that wrong)

Once upon a time...

I did have a journal/ blog and I was getting pretty good at keeping up with it. But over a relatively short amount of time I noticed that it was very negative (reflective of what was happening to me) and after a while I stopped journalling all together and then I got rid of the blog in an angry virtual fung shui attack LOL But I think I'm ready to try again and see what happens.

For now I just wanted to get restarted on the journey.. but I'll be back soon and I'll start with a little background history as well.