OK so much for trying to improve on blogging LOL Admittedly there were reasons but wow amazing how fast time can fly with it. What's been going on.. let's see. Hmm... well first off we had to say goodbye to my furr-baby Garfield in April. He was 15 yrs old and started to suffer from a gradual shut down of his renal system so I had to have him put down rather than watch him suffer. I still miss him. He was part kitty part nurse I swear.. any time I got sick, hurt or had surgery he wouldn't leave my side. He also won over my fiance (who was a huge cat hater when I met him) We threw in the towel on fertility issues. Partly due to money issues but also because I now am facing bariatric surgery this fall. I still have PCOS which seems to be worsening over time and making weight loss even more a struggle. The RE kept refusing to treat me unless I lost a pile of weight (yea easier said than done) And then mentioned I should look into a bariatric centre for help. And then went on to say that she's had a few patients go through the surgery.. loose alot of weight and after a couple years come back without PCOS and get pregnant very easily. We'll see I guess if we have the same luck. Gastric by-pass surgery: after struggling with my weight for the past 20 years. I don't think of it as an easy way out but after watching an aunt die of cancer (which her weight did play a role) and 2 other aunts now dealing with serious health issues due to obesity. It's scary and I don't want to end up where they are. Not to mention the fertility issues. I go end of August to see centre (after months and months of waiting on a registary and going through tests to just qualify to get to this point) I go for orientation and I guess they tell me from there what other hoops I gotta jump through (tho physically lets hope they don't actually make me jump a hoop.. wouldn't shock me tho if they did at this point) and what specialists I have to see prior and post surgery. Not to mention what to expect. The risks and rewards I guess you could say. My fiance's cousin did the surgery several years ago and she even said it has some definite down sides.. it's also a what you make of it, small meals, suppliments and exercise I guess are going to be in my future if I want to it a successful new start in life. How are my fiance and I doing and what's going on with our wedding!! Hmm well we hit a very rough and rocky patch in our relationship.. next week we'll have been together 10 years (that's 4 years more than my last marriage lol) and hoping things will improve to strengthen rather than break our relationship. I think the fact I've been unable to get a job has really made things hard on him and rough between us. Money struggles suck. BIG TIME. And unfortunately it seems to be effecting him alot lately. His brother got married last year and since then he's been moody and miserable. Maybe cause we got engaged before them and he wanted us to be married first (some kind of warped sibling rivalary? midlife crisis? frustration at our current situation and the relationship is the fall out? I don't know but I'm starting to get to my wits end on it) I had planned a inexpensive wedding out of town at a resort up north.. would have been gorgeous, intimate and just the kind of thing that I love.. wedding lake side.. and then just as I was getting ready to book the wedding.. my fiance brought to a grinding holt and since then there's been some resentment and anger going between us. I am hoping things get better between us but I don't know at this point. I'm trying to focas on other things since he said he wanted EVERYTHING to change before we got married. Ok honey.. you want changes you get them. But change has got to go both ways and so far I'm not seeing anything change on his end. Not one thing.. apparently he thinks all changes are required on my end and our collective situation. Pfft!! MEN!! At any rate I should run but at least I've finally getting back to "the blog" lol