The Chickadee Journals

Don't know why

2011-01-30T23:02:00.002-05:00

I came on today only to realize my blog was deleted! guess I blog so infrequently at times that it closed down. Weird.

Anyhoo.. well I'm 6 lbs down so far on my exercise/ weight loss journey. I've been at it for 21/2 weeks so I think that's pretty good. I've noticed my pants are fitting a little looser and I'm feeling stronger. My fiance remarked Friday I seem to have more energy. I definitely have lit the fire under my ass that's for sure. I've worked up to 40 min cardio and 30+ minutes of muscle work at least 3 times a week so far.. hoping to bump up to 4 days shortly,
And wouldn't you know AF suddenly made a return visit for the first time in quite awhile. (along with some major cramps..ouch!) but good seeing how I see the RE in less than 2 weeks. Here's to hoping for more positive changes coming soon.
I'll have to add a weight loss ticker here.. and a wedding ticker soon too. Yes we finally are trying to set a date for our wedding.. YEA!! looking at late next spring. *happy dance*

I'm a self professed bad blogger LOL

2011-01-22T15:37:00.002-05:00

Amazing how time gets away from you! And yep my blog has once again fallen to the side along with it. I haven't blogged since November so lets see if I can do a catch up on all the the goings-on.
Our birthdays in December and Chistmas/ New Years was a huge bomb. I was sick and so dead tired it was awful for the first two weeks of December.. then Shane caught it and that killed the last two weeks. We literally did nothing for that entire month but be sick! In the meanwhile my future bil and his girlfriend got engagement on Christmas Day. It was a little weird on the timing considering my fiance proposed Christmas Eve last year. And his parents acted very differently to our engagement compared to theirs. Our's.. they were less than thrilled. We came over Christmas Day and all they could say was oh.. well that's nice. (and his dad could barely crack a smile) Theirs.. huge excitement. Screaming.. jumping up and down and champagne all around. (which I don't get considering they rarely call unless they want something and generally look down their noses at everyone and we're always doing favors and helping out and general are around and are pretty down to earth.. money and status don't impress me much)
At anyrate long story short.. we finally started seeing his parents in a different light and over time they're going to start seeing how we're not to be helping out or are around as much as we used to be.
So here came the new year and now I'm listening to bil's new fiance boast and brag on getting married this year and how big and beautiful a wedding they're going to have and how she's going to loose all this weight (and then she threw down a gauntlet she's yet to realize was picked up.. more on that later) And basically making me want to throttle her every time I'm around her. What can I say.. she's always boasting she's a huge bitch blah blah blah.. and always wants to one up everyone, including me which drives me batty cause I really don't like her at all to begin with so why would I care what she does.. until she decided to make it personal.
Ok so here's the gauntlet.. basically while she gave me a christmas present (belately cause of all the sickness in December) they gave me two nice tops.. and then she shits on the gesture by saying she has a hard time finding the biggest sizes and that I dress so "colourfully" that she didn't want to get me something that is "normal" And believe me she wasn't trying to be nice when she said it. I said basically nothing after that while she went on bragging about her new personal trainer and the small amount of weight she's lost off her fat ass. While I tried to not snarl at her. I thought you Bitch! you know what? I'm going to toss this weight and look far better than you on your damn wedding day! You want a fight lady you got one.. and I hit the gym the next day. Now I do have other reasons for loosing this weight.. namely I'm tired of being overweight, I want to have energy and be healthier and stronger and also I want to get my body ready cause I finally got an RE appt next month (hang on to your hats.. I'm going back to the fertlity clinic!) but mostly every damn time that idiot opens her big mouth I want her to know I'm doing kicking her fat ass every step of the way. She has no idea the kind of enemy she just made. So I've lost 5 lbs so far in a less than 2 weeks. I figure I'll not tell anyone on that side of the family and my fiance has promised to keep his mouth shut about this weight loss gauntlet I'm on. It's funny.. I want to healthy and sexy for my wedding/ honeymoon but when I'm in the gym seeing her face everytime she tries to brag and realizing she's done nothing compared to me drives me harder and makes me stay on the exercise equipment longer and longer every time. LOL

So I'll be posting in more often cause i want to keep track of this goal.. wish me luck!

Wow been a very long time!

2010-11-19T03:26:00.003-05:00

I guess you could call it a long break or hiatus but really time's just been getting away from me over the last 4+ months. My fiance got his trucking job and there's been a fair amount of adjusting with that. {especially since he works midnights and long hours.. and is shortly going to long haul- out 5-6 days, home for 2) but it's all good.. he loves it and it's solving some income issues that were really beating us down over the past 6 months.

Let's see what else has been going on?.. oh! we're planning to move soon. So I've been busy packing and sorting through all our stuff. My fiance is a horrible pack rat so I usually sort and chuck old useless stuff when he's working lol I'm going stop it soon and get this place cleaned up to start decorating for Christmas shortly.

Crap forgot it's trash day... I'll blog again soon!

first meeting with the dietitian

2010-07-16T22:54:00.002-04:00

She seemed nice but definitely wants me to cut down the junk food, high fat and high sugared foods. She also showed me what I should be eatting portion wise and told me I definitely need to sdd more veggies, fruit and trade off the liquid sugar drinks and find healthier alternatives (slurpees and pre-made ice tea apparently are big no nos) it's going to take some adjustments seeing how I also have to deal with Shane and his lousy taste in food (that man eats like a 5 year old most days I swear) That and she wants me to slowly reintroduce some exercise back in (she's saying slowly mostly due to the extreme heat and humidity that's been going on this summer as well as I've been not been really physically active in years) but I guess consistancy is key to winning this battle. And I'm soo ready to dump some of this weight. That and as she scanned my medical history and all the recent tests I've had done, she realized my thyroid is yet again too low and my TSH levels are really high (she tried to explain it to me how that worked but odds are I'll have to see if I can figure it out online cause it was too confusing) I don't get why the heck my dr didn't have the medical centre call me and let me know I have to get an increase on the the thyroid meds again. HMMM..figures!
She also gave me a list of healthy alternative snacks (cause sometimes I just don't feel like making and eatting a whole meal especially in this heat) I also have to start keeping a food/ exercise journal so I can be accountable. Should be interesting to say the least.

A change will do you good

2010-07-15T00:12:00.002-04:00

I need some changes! Ever had it where life has gone stale? You're sick of staying put but at the same time you have no idea where you want to go or what you want to do when you finally get there. I don't know how I got into this god-awful rut but I'm ready for change.
Shane's not having much luck this far with the trucking companies which is disconcerting. He came home from an interview today and was pretty upset because he did the interview and road test without any issues but told him ultimately he didn't have enough experience! (and this is not an uncommon response.. like how the heck are you supposed to get experience when no one will hire you because of that exact problem? STUPID) On the up note he did get a job in a restaurant as a line cook (he went to chef school and whole nine yards.. the boy's got skills) And it helps he's getting major hours but he's miserable and driving me bonkers with his bad and negative attitude. (just suck it up and get it done! jeez)

I have an appointment tomorrow with the dietitian and I already know she's going to have a field day with the weeks worth of meals, food and beverages I had to write down. (I have a slurpee fetish this summer... can't get enough of the damn things)
I think the two pounds I've lost lately is just sweating lol this place is a sauna in the summer.

I'm getting ready to start going back to work.. and more than likely off to college cause I can't see Shane pulling us out of this rut tho it'll mean the end of ttc'ing cause I'm not going to kill myself getting a college education and new career only to get knocked up at the end of it. It saddens me but at the same time I had a feeling awhile ago that this would be the end result. I love the man dearly but he's just not seemingly able to pull through financially. And I've always been a strong driven person that isn't satisfied with mediorce results or worse.. failure.

Aside from all this I think I will compile a list of things to accomplish, kinda like the 101 things list I had before accidentally deleting all my blog posts. Only shorter and more realistic for what I hope to accomplish in the next 2 years.

Hot so very very HOT!

2010-07-06T15:56:00.002-04:00

Is it just me or this summer extraordinarily hot and humid? I swear I now know what a pot roast feels like in the crock pot... the temps have been spiking 35 degrees C (about 96 F) with the humidex values in 40's! I'm beginning to wonder considering the amount of temporary power shortages some cities are experiencing if we're in for another infamous black out like in 2003 (or was it 2004?) considering every one's jacking up the a/c and so on? Cause I remember that happening a couple of weeks before we were out for several days through out the north-east quad of N. America.
lol maybe I'll have a preggy belly like the bumper crop that came out of the last blackout.. ya never know. (gotta look at the positive in that whole mess)

We've been busy here which may be why I've been so lax at blogging. Shane started getting phone calls looking to see if he was still in long-hauling and if he could do a road evalution to assure companies he's ready willing and able (which he is) so I've been helping get his resume, cover letter etc together and getting lists of companies that are again hiring. (amazing how fast some industries bounce back from recessions tho it was one of hardest hit when the recession came so I'm glad it's finally recovering) keep your fingers crossed for us!

ok my computer is starting to act up.. probably overheating as our apartment is becoming a huge bake oven. Will try to post more often : )

The Crossroads

2010-06-16T01:41:00.002-04:00

I have so many questions floating in my head these days. And I've been here before. Welcome to the crossroads! Lots of unanswered questions, lots of debating and inner conflict or restlessness. You know you're going to go forward cause lets face it, life may kick you in the ass but it inevitably kicks you forward whether you want to or not. In my case it's a want. I just don't really know where I'm going or what I want to do. I have a huge list of things I want to accomplish. And I tend to go after what I want with an almost tunnel-visioned approach (I generally achieve my goals and if I don't there's a damn good reason as to why I didn't) I guess it's just a matter of figuring out what I want to do first and step it out.

These days I look in the mirror and I don't really recognize the woman starring back me. I used to know that person and knew exactly who and what she wanted in life. And nothing was going to stop her. And now... I know she's there, but definitely not the same person she was 3 years ago pre-injury. My list changed drastically and my goals along with it. Some things that were a priority dropped completely and other things that were never even a consideration is now on the list. Funny how life goes!

Lost all my blog posts.. how'de I do that??

2010-06-13T16:28:00.003-04:00

Ok I have no idea which button I pushed to make all those posts disappear (and I've spent a day or two trying to figure it out.. guess they're gone. But I'm a big believer in fate and signs, I guess this was one that it's time to wipe the slate clean and start anew. (not a bad sign) Tho I don't have my 101 things to do list anymore and I never bothered to write them out anywhere's other than here so I guess I'll have to start another one or a smaller one lol I think my blog had become way too negative anyways so probably for the best the blog posts are lost or gone.. I'll try to keep it more upbeat in the future.

IN health news: I go to see the dietitian next month (yea!!) I finally found one that's covered (most are private and cost an arm and a leg) so hopefully she can steer me on to a better track. I don't have a great track record with healthy eatting and portion control (not to mention what seems healthy one day is bad for you the next so a little diet debunking would be nice) And I definitely need to get back to the exercise part of my life.. seems every time I get really sick or something negative happens in our lives I crumble and get demodivated very quickly and that's definitely something I need to just keep working on.
I'm thinking with the fact I haven't had a pain killer in over 3 weeks now (and had some major head pain when bad storms rolled through the area) I'm doing pretty good. I don't miss them except when the pain gets bad. But I couldn't go taking them forever even tho those migraines may never stop now.

I'm doing good with the volunteering although I find it rather boring and unprogressive. I suppose because they get so many students doing their college co-ops there they really don't have a need for someone like me who's only just trying to figure out her next step (I'm thinking college but I want to make sure I know what I want to do before I start investing time and money to go forward with it) And it really doesn't look like I'll be able to get the gov't help I was hoping for to help financially to move ahead with things so I may have to break down and try to find something part time in the meanwhile if things keep going they way they are now.

Well my dryer just went off so I'm off to do more cleaning.. lol seems my Sundays are always cleaning and laundry lol